Do Nothing For Perfect Children

30 Mar

Calling someone lazy today is akin telling them that they’re worthless, useless, parasitic and would possibly be more productive serving as fertilizer compost (dead). In the days of rising unemployment, laziness, is the worst possible trait a person could possess. It’s screams SELFISH and IRRESPONSIBLE. Unfortunately, I’ve been bestowed this title a few times in my short years (I like a good book over a clean room, are you seriously going to fault me for that?!). Yet, every trait has its balance I reassure myself, it’s measurement – or  middah so to speak. So what good can possibly come from my do-nothing-frog tendencies?

My child’s development for one. I firmly believe that the reason my child is so amiable and advanced is because he has a lazy tuchas for a mother.

Here’s just a brief glimpse at what laziness can accomplish.

  1. He sleeps though the night, mostly. And if he wakes up, I ignore him. At first it was because I was too lazy (and tired) and hoped he would just fall back asleep. Now, I know he will, and my doctor told me, the less intervention on my part with sleep, the better. Score one for me. Most first time moms would be running into their child’s room at the first peep to coddle them – not me.
  1. My sister in law told me that with her first child she would rock him to sleep in her arms. And if she saw he was falling asleep without her, she would dive in for the rescue, scoop him up, and made sure he fell asleep in her reassuring arms. I felt like an inadequate unloving mother when she relayed this to me, comparative of course with what I did. When my kid was happy, I put him down, if he was sleepy, I put him down, it he was calm, I put him down. But look now, my child is independent; hers is clingy.
  1. Chairs, steps, couches, people, you name it, my kid has scaled it. Height doesn’t matter (not his [which is short] nor the object in question) he can and will climb it. When my child tries to do something physically, and I’m sitting, lying, or otherwise occupied, I will not help him. He can whine, fall, and try again, all I’ll do is say encouraging things (“C’mon E, you can do it put a little power to it!”), maybe give suggestions (“Just turn your ankle, it’s stuck, no turn it, don’t grab at it, what’s that gonna help?!”). He usually succeeds, because I’m too lazy to do it for him.
  1. Small tasks, like putting something in the garbage, finding shoes, getting diapers, giving something to my husband, are all made easier with my little errand boy. And he’s been at it for months, when Baby Center tells me this should have been a recent development. I’m just too lazy to go and do it myself; it’s hard to find itty-bitty baby-shoes hidden between Mega Bloks and Matchbox!
  1. My kids been writing/scribbling for as long as I can remember. I know I shouldn’t give him a pen, but it’s not worth the energy of me prying it from him when he finds one, or dealing with his whining when he wants one – so I just give him blank paper and let him have a go at it. Same goes for drinking from a cup. (Yes, there were a few big spills in the beginning, but they were easier to clean, than me insisting on a sippy cup)

These skills started with me being lazy and then realizing later, “Oh, wow, I did something right.” Cool, no?

For someone who many people doubted possessed any maternal instinct, I make up for it, with my natural laziness.


Posted by on March 30, 2012 in Humor, Parenting, Uncategorized


Tags: , , , , ,

2 responses to “Do Nothing For Perfect Children

  1. Princess Lea

    March 30, 2012 at 9:47 am

    My mother always said she was a disciplinarian strictly out of laziness. It really works.

    1. That is the only way to go to get a kid to sleep through the night. So many parents make headaches from themselves and are featured on talk shows because it never occurred to them to just not go in and pick the baby up. Idiots.

    2. What is up with that? A baby has to fall asleep ON you or else he won’t feel loved? Oooookay.

    3. My brother also was a climber.

    4. My nephew loves to help, but his mother won’t let him since, to her, helping out is painful. But he’s great at it and loves doing it. Make the best of it!

    5. What’s wrong with him drawing?

    My plan for mommy-hood is to do it Ma’s way, putting kids to bed at 7 so I can watch my Law & Order rerun in peace. No need to make a yoizel out of a baby.

  2. TooYoungToTeach

    March 30, 2012 at 2:57 pm

    PL: What’s wrong with him drawing? Nothing, except I know too many mothers who won’t let their child near a pen, or crayon because of either the mess potential or it’s dangerous.

    I dunno, I give my kid forks, and cars with small tires. They learn very quickly what to, and not to do with them. So many parents, well, baby their kids.


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