I used to read all blogs, anything Jewish related. I thought the blogosphere was fascinating, individuals with ideas a place to air them. It was like the largest most awesome underground newspaper. But then everyone and his mother-in-law had a blog, and they started getting stupid and very repetitive.
There are still plenty of blogs that I read, ones that have quality writing, and original thought. I was looking through my Google reader list trying to figure out if there was a common thread between these blogs. I was able to divide them into two groups. There were the informational, yet subjective ones that are written in a more professional authoritative tone. I think I like that they aren’t just saying what they thinking, but supporting their statements with information, facts and statistics, feeds the random knowledge junkie in me.
And then there are the personal bogs. The ones who the blogger writes about his/her life, experiences, thoughts, epiphanies, growth, lamentation and all things human. I read them and wonder why my blog is so deficient , why is my blog lacking the honesty, the bare-it-all, the truth of human existence. Why is my blog only skin deep, wanting real depth?
I realized after a moment’s thought that it’s because they’re anonymous, and I’m not. Well, not all of you know who I am, but there are plenty of you out there who know me well, and this blog’s existence. I therefore don’t feel comfortable writing what I’m really thinking and experiencing. I’m afraid of being judged, ridiculed, misunderstood. I have to stand by what I write. There’s a responsibility, and ownership. I can’t just stand up on a soapbox, preach, and then shrink off into anonymous obscurity. I have to answer people. And most of the time, it’s just not worth saying anything.
There’s also the privacy factor. I can’t write about certain things in my life, because I would be violating people’s privacy. Other people would in a moment know who I was talking about, and either get the scoop from the blog, or call me for more details. I can’t do that to the people in my life, no matter how interesting (euphamism) they make my life sometimes.
So I’m sorry that you’re getting a very watered down version of me, but that’s how it has to be, unless I finally don’t care about what people think about me, or people stop questioning everything I write. Hope you stick around anyway, while I try finding something neutral to write about.