Where Responsibility Ends

03 Aug

I was lamenting over lost opportunities, or in better words, I screwed up royally because I waited too long. (Basically, I waited too long to get back to someone about a job offer, because I was waiting for a response from someone else, the latter didn’t pan out and when I contacted the former, she already filled the position, so I still have two other job offers, but they weren’t what I was hoping for)

My husband said it was meant to be. What’s that supposed to mean, that I didn’t screw up, it just feels like it did?

He elaborated that, no it wasn’t meant to be, and I just had to experience the frustration and feelings of despair and that my current circumstances were how it was meant to be all along

If I had just been offered the jobs I accepted in the ends I would have been thrilled, ecstatic, and proud of being offered such a position, but because I was tempted with more, I now look at my current position as settling, that I could have been more. Which is such a shame, because it’s really a great job.

I feel the frustration, the feeling of something being yanked out of my hand because I turned my head for but a moment. Now what, I feel the agony, what do I do with it now, or was that just it. That was the punishment, and I can put this mess behind me, or am I supposed to take this further? How?

And back to “meant to be”. Somehow, I think taking that stance absolves a person of responsibility. If something happens, for better or worse, there is no accountability, just  chalk it up to G-d.

I know this is where the whole hishtadlus concept comes into play, but no one has ever been able to give me an adequate answer where hishtadlus ended and bitachon started.

Where do you draw the line in these murky gray waters? In which way do you swing your counterbalance in this tight rope?

Do you believe, or accept mistakes as own.


Posted by on August 3, 2011 in Jewish, Musings


Tags: , , ,

4 responses to “Where Responsibility Ends

  1. Garnel Ironheart

    August 3, 2011 at 2:10 pm

    When it came time to go into residency, I got my second choice of locations. At the time I was heartbroken. What had I done wrong? Not enough reference letters? Had I inadvertently ticked off the wrong people?
    15 years later it seems my second location was the best thing that could ever have happened to me but it took years to realize that.
    As someone else said, life is lived forward but understood in reverse. A year or 5 from now is when you can decide if missing out on this job was a good thing or not.

  2. Princess Lea

    August 4, 2011 at 9:43 am

    There isn’t really a set answer to this. Sometimes things work out the way we like; sometimes they don’t. Sometimes we could have acted differently; sometimes it wouldn’t have made any difference.

    When something goes “wrong” that was out of my hands, then I’m not upset. But if I could have affected the outcome then I get all worked up and unable to sleep at night.

    I don’t know.

  3. OTD

    August 5, 2011 at 3:26 am

    I definitely don’t advocate the chalking it up to God response, but I certainly don’t recommend the beat yourself up over it response, either. You waited a tiny bit too long. It’s not like you turned down the offer.

  4. yedid Nefesh

    August 8, 2011 at 12:39 pm

    I am dealing with similar issue these days. i seem to be constantly making the wrong decision, loosing great opportunity. maybe not loosing, maybe it is meant to be. I don’t know. As long as nothing drastic happens, I can accept it (its also much easier to bounce the responsibility on G-d then blame yourself for everything)


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