Monthly Archives: January 2011

How To Become Popular

Me: I got three phone calls about you in two days! Is there something about turning 23 that makes you more dateable?

Happy Single Friend: Ye, people feel guilty to make me sound less than perfect

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Posted by on January 26, 2011 in Shidduchim


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Attending to Spaces

A long while ago Bad4 wrote a post about how she receives a lot wedding invitations, not based on popularity, but on marital status: the fact that she is single. She is invited so the kallah has people with a supposedly more flexible schedule and the kallah does not look like a social leper to her mother-in-law (that last line was mine).

In any case, I was talking to a friend of mine the other night (she’s happily single) and she wanted to know if she’s a terrible person.  After assuring her that she was one of the world’s most amazing people and she is in the running with Mother Theresa for the most altruistic woman award (at least that’s what I say when they call for info) I inquired as to why she, a most self confident woman, needed the affirmation.

“Grademate SoandSo is getting married tonight, and I’m too lazy to trek out to Williamsburg and attend.”

“That doesn’t make you terrible, just lazy,” I informed her.

“Well truth be told,” she continued. “Y’know that post from Bad4 that single girls get more invitation, it’s true, SoandSo would have never invited me otherwise. I think the last time I spoke to her was your wedding. Were you invited by the way?”

“Nope, I wasn’t ,” I replied. “But if you were, then I should have been, I have a lot more to do with her than you, we’re at least friends on Facebook. But I wasn’t invited because I’m married and therefore not expected to attend an acquaintance’s wedding. “

“So I’m really just there to take up space.” She concluded

“Ahh,” I said. “So you’re really just preserving your self-dignity, that you will not just be a pretty single girl to fill up a hall. Also following this logic, she’s not going to attend your wedding, because she’s married now, and now in another “league” so now you kinda don’t have to go to hers if she wouldn’t even think of reciprocating.”

“Exactly my thought when I called,” my friend said. “I’m not going in protest to my pride in receiving an invitation, and your pride in not receiving one!”

“So then I repeat my original sentiments, you are not terrible, in fact you a champion of single’s rights and sensitivities,” I proclaimed.

“Will you tell that the shadchanim?”

“Of course.”

“Then I’ll never get married.”

“Oh” [pause] “Can I blog about this?”

“Sure, you’re married.”


Posted by on January 17, 2011 in Humor, Jewish, Shidduchim


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The Madness Behind the Method

A mother holds up her child.
Image via Wikipedia

I just read this article from the Wall Street Journal. It’s titled “Why Chinese Mothers are Superior”, the author describes the parenting behind the stereotypical overachieving Chinese kid. In the beginning I found myself agreeing with the writer, but then when she went into further detail, I recoiled. I could never treat my child that way, nor do I want to, regardless of the results. The end does not justify the means, and who says the end is so admirable anyway, who defines academic success and musical accomplishments as success in life…on the other hand, Western parenting, doesn’t seem to be having much success in the respect and achievement department either. What is the happy medium? Where do you draw the lines?


Posted by on January 12, 2011 in Parenting


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I Thought I Knew

I’m a cliché, watching my son sleep. His head is lilted back; mouth set in a pout, and his arm thrown up in surrender to sleep. I’m watching, and loving, and I can stand here all day perched at the edge of his crib. I can describe what I’m feeling: an overwhelming, crushing sensation of emotion that almost hurts, but it’s so beautiful and tender, and just let myself bathe in it; I can’t explain it though.

I thought when I got married that I experienced and found a new definition to love. And that love made sense, the give, the take, the give. But it seems motherhood has its own definition and depth and length of love, and there is no defying it, cultivating it, nurturing it, it just is. Eternal.

I stand here a little longer, gazing intently at my son. He stirs and I jump. But then he’s restful again, and I breathe. I break my connection, and slowly leave the room, turning back just once more before I leave.

Picking up the phone, I dial the familiar numbers it seems for the umpteenth time today.

“Hello?” a rushed voice answers.

“I never knew how much you love me, Ma” I reply.


Posted by on January 9, 2011 in Parenting


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Validate Me

Migrant Mother, Nipomo, California

Image by George Eastman House via Flickr

Am I just that self-centered

I’m living my happily ever after. Married to man I love, we have the most beautiful child together, every morning I wake happy, and content.

I have a job I enjoy immensely and no major financial concerns. We’re all in good health, and have everything we need, and can even throw in a treat here and there.

But sometimes at night, I’m not as contented as when I woke up. I’m tired, there’s too much prepping, the baby is kvetchy, I’m not in the mood of washing dishes, my sister is annoying me, I stubbed my toe…the list goes on and every night there is probably one small thing that I have to complain about before the day is done.

But when I try to voice myself, the world stops me. Appreciate that you have a husband, a husband who you love, and he loves you. Appreciate that you have a child, do you know how many people are suffering from infertility?! Be happy that you have dishes to wash, do you know how many girls get married with nothing. Appreciate that you have a job; you know how many people are dying for your position. Appreciate that you have family who care about you, do you know how many people are in fights with their family, or don’t have….and on and, nullifying every complaint by the knowledge that someone has it worse. It’s “Children are starving in Africa” all over again.

I don’t know about you, but I never went for the guilt inspiration. Where being told a story of someone living in misery is supposed to make me a better person. Yes, I recognize that my life is good, and that I’m blessed, but sometimes I don’t have it all together, or mostly together, but not all the way. Why does my life have to be falling apart? Why do I have to be suffering from a heart-wrenching situation to be validated, to express and experience the full range of my emotions? What about me, being a regular person, living a good life, why can’t I suffer in my own small ways?

Or then again, am I that self-centered.


Posted by on January 5, 2011 in Musings


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2010 in Review (automated title)


Image by CarbonNYC via Flickr

Ok, it seems we’re going to have to redefine pathos. I thought that this year was a miserable year in blogging. I neer posted and people never commented. People still popped on by for a visit, but nothing to write home about…I even went as so far as to apologize to my readers, and just last week made a resolution that I’d post every week in 2011, and then I get this, this year in review according to WordPress’s stats.

 If I’m doing “WOW”, then the average blog must post once a month, get two visitors a year and no comments…SO what do you think of the summary, forget about the stats, how do you, the reader think this blog is doing, what posts did you like, hate, not think twice about…

The stats helper monkeys at mulled over how this blog did in 2010, and here’s a high level summary of its overall blog health:

Healthy blog!

The Blog-Health-o-Meter™ reads Wow.

Crunchy numbers

Featured image

A Boeing 747-400 passenger jet can hold 416 passengers. This blog was viewed about 9,700 times in 2010. That’s about 23 full 747s.

In 2010, there were 33 new posts, growing the total archive of this blog to 170 posts. There were 3 pictures uploaded, taking up a total of 3mb.

The busiest day of the year was February 24th with 184 views. The most popular post that day was I’m Back, Where’s My Soapbox?.

Where did they come from?

The top referring sites in 2010 were,,,, and

Some visitors came searching, mostly for fat is not a fairy tale analysis, fat is not a fairy tale, sporadic intelligence, fat is not a fairy tale poem analysis, and aquiline nose women.

Attractions in 2010

These are the posts and pages that got the most views in 2010.


I’m Back, Where’s My Soapbox? February 2010


Fat is Not a Fairy Tale October 2008


Men vs. Women: The Last Degradation January 2009


For Sale: Wedding Gown March 2010


Intellectually Challenged March 2010

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Posted by on January 2, 2011 in The Sporadic Side


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