I was trying to explain to my husband the difficulty in buying men presents. Besides for the obvious lack of gift items, and options in the gifts themselves, there is a much deeper psychological reason.
Rabbi Akiva Tatz in one of his speeches on marriage makes a point that is backed up by a lot of mystical resources. Skipping the resources and going to the practical, he basically says women think about their husbands all the time, and their love and relationship is constantly on the surface of their mind. Men, while they love their wives very much, do not think about them on a constant basis….and therein lies the issue.
People often say about gifts, “It’s the thought that counts”, which as I will explain, only applies to gifts bought by the husband. You see, because men don’t often dwell on thoughts of love and devotion for their wives, any gift, from the trivial to the absurd indicates to a woman that “Wow, my husband actually thought about me today!” And a woman will get a warm and fuzzy feeling over her husband’s attentiveness, that he was able to go beyond his natural tendency and focus on her more than, well, expected.
On the converse, because women are constantly thinking about their spouses, a lousy gift, is just that a lousy gift, the thought doesn’t count because the wife would have been thinking of her husband even if there was no occasion, or no gift was purchased, so a gift is nothing more than it is.
In “Men are From Mars, Women are from Venus” John Grey explains the “point scoring system” in relationships. Simply, for men, the bigger the item, the more points a woman will earn. For women, everything is worth one point, no matter how small (bar of chocolate) or how big (a car). This fits right in to what I was saying before…women just want the thought behind the gift, and men just want the gift.
So what it comes down to, is that besides there being few gift options for men, whatever you get has to be really good, or you might as well not get it. With that, my first anniversary is next week – HELP!