What If…I never started this blog

25 May

I was going through old documents on my computer, and found one I probably put together about 6  years ago. It was a list of What If’s. I basically evaluated all the things I had in my life, events that happened to me, and proposed the question what if. I also included things I thought I was lacking, and proposed the same what if?.  It’s an interesting exercise to do, and even more so to look back on and reevaluate.

Here’s a sample of my list: WHAT IF

  1. I had brown eyes
  2. I couldn’t sing
  3. I couldn’t draw
  4. I was fat
  5. I had long hair
  6. I wasn’t Jewish
  7. I wasn’t opinionated
  8. I wasn’t shy
  9. I had a nice smile
  10. I was rich
  11. I went to a different high school
  12. I went to Israel for seminary
  13. what if I could dance at weddings
  14. what if I had a straight nose
  15. what if I were photogenic
  16. I could keep a manicure
  17. what if I were smarter
  18. what if I were a bit dim
  19. what if I were  picky eater
  20. what if I never did my exercise
  21. what if I dressed more conservatively
  22. what if I didn’t have so much pride
  23. what if my face had a shape
  24. what if I were less ambitious


And I also included a lot of what if’s on events that happened, experiences lived, and choices made.

It gives you an opportunity to sort of see components that make you, well, you. And how something as inconsequential as having blue/green eyes with a brown center can make of your perceived self-image. It also shows you your weaknesses, jealousies, but even among those, you can find that qualities that balance that perceived lack.

Looking back at it, I get to see my growth as a person, how my priorities, perceptions, philosophies have changed.

For those lacking direction, identification, and self-esteem, make yourself such a list, and you’ll probably get to see, who you are, where you’re headed, and how cool you really are.

1 Comment

Posted by on May 25, 2010 in Uncategorized


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One response to “What If…I never started this blog

  1. harryer than them all

    May 31, 2010 at 10:32 am

    i also thought it was interesting that many on your list had to do with looks, shape, and size, as well a few on what you can or couldn’t do within society.

    but something i noticed (and related in a sense to the profile-craze that has hit the dating world) is that its hard to define a person, their essence, dreams, and aspirations in a few words. There could be many things that could describe aspects of them, but they exist in more than just words. For instance you would still be you regardless of whether you could dance, were smarter, or had blond hair. In a similar context; if you were to try to define Hashem there would be many adjectives but really they would just limit him. To say that hashem is merciful, it would exclude his ability to judge (maybe thats part of the tzelem elokim that we have as well).

    If you tie up your identification based on others, you risk being defined solely by their whims and wishes. Self-esteem is tied only to self.


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