People say there are defining moments in life. Moments that lay it out; the path of your life, for better or worse. I always wondered what would be. Would I miss it?
But now I don’t think there are defining moments, maybe in retrospect there are, but in the moment, these moments don’t exist, because you always think there’ll be a next time to make up for what you’re doing now, or screw up whatever courage you have now.
Yehuda told me he tried marijuana, and that Ma and Ta know about it. I was ironing a shirt for him when he told me. I burned a corner, I don’t think he’ll notice.
“Wanna try?” he offered. I darted a glance at him and gave a quick “No.”, even though it was total yes. Yes, out of curiosity and experience, not the rebellion, but no, because no one else would see it that way.
No one sees anything my way. No one gets why I ask questions that they can’t answer, no one gets why I care in the first place. They say I’m challenging, I think I’m just a kid. Yehuda says it’s all crap. The whole things a farce, and that I know it too, I just don’t have the courage to admit it.
I don’t know what I think, but looking back, saying no then, was a defining moment for me.
I wrote this a really long time ago as a start of a supposed book that never came in being (like most brilliant ideas). Not sure what I’m going to do with it, but I kinda like what I wrote about defining moments. Whaddya think?