Worse than the wedding where you don’t know anyone but the chosson or Kallah, is the wedding of your cousin that you have nothing but a few genes in common.
If you don’t know anyone, yeah, it’s awkward standing there on the side, or holding hands with people you can’t even make small talk like “what are you doing these days” with, but you have enough of an excuse to yourself why you’re really not a social leper.
By cousins’ wedding you know a lot people, most of them intrusive aunts, suspender attired uncles, hand wringing greased boy cousins, and ginormous pouf, headband wearing girl cousin. They are not really your type. But you are not judgmental, or elitist or exclusive, so you kiss your aunts dry, hairy, or caked face, wave to your uncle, ignore the boy and make small talk with the girl.
You: “So, How you doing?”
Her: “Great, B’H”
You: “What are you doing these days?”
Her:“I’m a(n) __________.” Or “ I’m going for _____________”
You:“Wow! Do you like it?
Her:“Love it, B”H”
Her“What about you?
Her: “That’s really nice. Do you enjoy?”
You:“Yeah, it’s amazing.”
Her: (trailing off) “Yeah…”
You: (sparl of desperation)“Is that Tante Breindel there?”
Her: “Umm..yeah, that’s her touquise sparkled suit”
You: “What a character!”
You: “I must say hello to her! Can’t wait to dance.”
Her: “Yeah, me too.”
Sorry for wasting your time and writing the entire conversation, but that’s really it, the whole interaction. And then you beam pearly whites at each other from across the circle when you dance. I’m not even getting into the cousin that’s getting married. (You have to dance with her cause you’re cousins, but you have even less to say to her than your classmate, and it’s way more awkward because, well you should know her better…)
Then there’s the actual dancing, your mother, and all you aunts and extended family are watching you. How do you dance, are you leibedig? Smiling? Leading? Standing on the side? Maybe that’s why you’re not married.
And the dancing…it’s for the friends, you’re just there for filler, and because your grandmother would disown you if you didn’t.
And the worst is that you just can’t explain away to yourself why you’re so pathetic and antisocial in this environment, because technically, you know a lot of people here.
And then it gets worse, the celebration isn’t over yet, you still have to go to, Shabbos Sheva Brachos, and you used up all your small talk by the wedding and you just sit there quietly listening very intently to someone from the other side bumbling over his dvar torah. FUN!!!