The Secret to a Successful Life (or at least parts of it)

02 Feb

We all want to lose weight. Most of us do nothing about it, but it’s one of those big things people want to accomplish in their lives, on par with Climbing Mount Everest and becoming president of the United States. It’ll be totally awesome and cool if you did, but the statistical likelihood of that happening is just above nil. Today, I would like to push the numbers a bit more in your favor and bring losing weight on the level of getting a PhD and buying a full set of Louis Vuitton luggage.

The answer: Eat JellyBellys.

Generally when people eat something that they like, the initial taste is great, invigorating and very pleasurable. After that, it’s all downhill. Yes, the food still tastes good, but the repetition of the taste dulls the senses and it becomes a bit rote, no matter how sweet, salty, crunchy, spicy or smooth the food is. And herein lays the difference in JellyBellys.

Forget about the sour flavored, tropical or fruit bowl assortment, I’m talking about the standard 40 flavor variety. First off, it’s only 4 calories a jellybean. Second there are 40 flavors. Third, every little bean is a different flavor, you have the pleasure of renewal with each bean, and even when have say, a bubble gum, then blueberry, then caramel and then bubble gum again, it’s like you never had the bubblegum so you end up appreciating the flavors a lot more than the given 40!

Finally, you have to concentrate when you eat the jellybean to figure out what flavor you’re eating. This is done in two steps. First you take the jellybean out of the bag. Then you turn the bag over and try to match up the jellybean color with the color and name on the back. This is very difficult as there are about 5 shades of red and another 3 shades of orange that on the back have a minutia of difference in shade. Next you have to eat the jellybean and thoughtfully chew and figure out if the shade of red you’re eating is cinnamon, or very cherry.

This takes a bit more effort than the mindless inhalation of a bag of potato chips, or shoveling a piece of cake down your throat, therefore you end up eating less, and also they say your supposed to eat slowly and give you stomach time to send the message to your brain that you are in fact full, and no, you do not have room for JUST one more cookie, so by eating jellybeans you give your stomach more time to process…and all you people who took A&P can fill in the blah blah blah’s of this.

Moral of the Story: If you want to reach the equivalent of Superman eat JellyBellys.


Posted by on February 2, 2009 in Food


Tags: , , , , , ,

12 responses to “The Secret to a Successful Life (or at least parts of it)

  1. Anonymous

    February 2, 2009 at 11:39 pm

    hey you forgot to mention the ones that taste like skunk spray, rotten eggs, vomit and even baby wipes!!!!

  2. G6

    February 3, 2009 at 12:14 am

    The Jellybean Diet…. hmmmm…..
    Let us know how that works out for ya….

    (it would never work for me as I’m much more the pringles, chocolate, pasta/cheese person than the sticky sweet stuff…. but hey, go you!)

  3. Something Different

    February 3, 2009 at 2:16 am

    OMG you should put in a disclaimer that you are not responsible for medical expenses incurred if someone accidentally poisons themselves on a buttered popcorn flavored jellybean. Ewwww.

  4. Child Ish Behavior

    February 3, 2009 at 2:26 am

    When you actually lose weight on this diet, write a follow up and tell us all about the experience. (and the dental bills.)

  5. JellyBean Lover

    February 3, 2009 at 3:46 am

    OMG! I LOVE JELLYBELLYS!! my mother started to buy them for me every week for shabbat! and i went to florida my friend got me the beanboozled ones for the plane but i told her i didnt eat them on the plane since there were no cups to spit them out!

  6. JellyBean Lover

    February 5, 2009 at 4:05 am

    ha ha i had the baby wipes and they tasted……….like baby wipes!

  7. Something Different

    February 5, 2009 at 9:37 am

    JBL- Just wondering how you know that? Am I to assume that you have tasted real baby wipes?

  8. chelsea

    February 5, 2009 at 9:14 pm

    HEY JBL, I also had a friend who went to Florida….. and I also gave her beanboozled jelly belly’s……… Hey!!!…. JBL i think I’ve discovered your secret identity!!!!!!!!!!!! So your the one whos been eating all my jellybeans…. and drinking all my coffee!!!!!!!

  9. JellyBean Lover

    February 6, 2009 at 4:52 am

    SD: I never realy tasted a baby wipe but I did smell one. one to many times so the taste is the smell to be more specific.

  10. JellyBean Lover

    February 6, 2009 at 4:54 am

    Hey Chelsea!! you never had jellybeans to steal, and I have not been drinking ur coffee Ive been drinking mine. it even said so on the cup!! =)

  11. JellyBean Lover

    February 6, 2009 at 4:56 am

    And for everyones information i have a bag of jelly bellys (40 flavors) on my lap right now and i am eating them and they are AWESOME!!!


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