Hello, everyone. I had a SUNsational vacation. Pardon the pun, but this is the lovely message the disembodied voice on the shuttle bus’s speaker system imparted to me, and I wanted to share it with you so we can all gag and snort together.
Florida was amazing, great, awesome, “You don’t know!”, “SOOO much fun” and whatever unnecessary superlatives you can think of. I have a bunch of great stories which I’m not entirely sure I will share with you are as some are a little inappropriate and serve no other purpose than to entertain, and I think some of them are those are HTBT stories, and ones that only people who know me will appreciate.
For the record, I did NOT go biking; I almost did though. I would have ridden a tricycle as a courtesy to my new/non cycling friend.
I reserved a compact rental car, and since I asked nicely, they upgraded me three levels. I decided the place must have good customer service, because I did not look THAT good. It was a nice car; we took a lot of pictures on it. I have a bunch of driving stories, one of them includes me driving in reverse off a highway because there was standstill traffic up ahead.
I stayed by my mother’s friend in North Miami. At first I thought it was a bit of a pain, but being on Collins Avenue with the rest of New York isn’t my idea of vacation, so all’s good. And by the way all the clichés about all the old Jewish people there are true. They are very convenient though for their grandchildren.
This is just a tip for anyone out there suffering from poor body image. GO TO THE BEACH. Everyone there is uglier and fatter than you and they are ready to show it off to the world, sweaters of hair, massive guts, tires, flab, blub, moosh, it’s all there for the world to see, and they’re proud of it.
The Everglades is a swamp. It’s a swamp with air boat rides that have no apparent steering mechanism, the epitome of Redneck navigating and serving as guides, and the most annoying one lane highway ever. And I paid 20 bucks to squint my eyes to see if I could distinguish an alligator from the tree trunk right next to it. It’s a swamp, and I recommend you go.
Yeah, there’s lots more to say, but I’m zonked, and leaving to Israel tomorrow night.