I am brilliant. Just so you know.
My father is a bit machmir on things, like girl’s tznius and kasharus.
For tznius, I’m talking about activities: we don’t go to concerts, go biking, ice skating and rollerblading.
Kasharus, we don’t eat most meats or lettuce.
I’m going to my sister for Shabbos and Florida next week.
I was speaking to my sister, and she asked that if she said “kusher kusher kusher” over her meat, will I eat it?
I said no. Then she asked what are you doing in Florida. I told her I was considering going biking.
“But Totty doesn’t let,” she said.
“He doesn’t have to know,” I said.
“Oookay,” she finished and we hung up.
Her husband called me two minutes later.
“I don’t get you,” he said. “You listen to your father and don’t eat my meat, but you’ll ignore your father and go biking. Do you listen to him or not, because you can eat my meat with the same rationale.”
He was right, but I wasn’t going to admit that, so I gave him some cockamamie rationale that I don’t know diddly-squat about kashrus and can’t make and informed decision on it, so I defer it to my father and follow what he says. Tznius, I can form my own educated decision and deemed biking ok. My brother-in-law shot kibbud av v’em at me, and told me.
“TooYoungToTeach(roonie), If you go bike riding you have to eat my meat, and if you don’t eat my meat you can’t come for Shabbos.”
“I’ll call you back,” I responded lamely.
My conscience bothered me, because I knew he was right, but I still wanted to go biking, and I wasn’t going to eat his meat!
What to do?!
DING!! (that was a stroke of brilliance in case you didn’t realize)
If I could get my father to make allowances and let me go biking then I wouldn’t be violating his wishes when I did, and could therefore not eat my sister’s meat in good conscience.
So I called my father, dreid him a kupp, demanding an answer right away, and because my father loves me, and knows me too well, conceded and said,
“But only if you do it in the most tzniudike manner” Like so:
So I gaily called my sister and brother-in-law back, that I would in fact be coming for Shabbos on his terms, but I still won’t eat the meat…Told you I’m brilliant.
Just as a side note, after all that intense coercion, I texted my friend that I’m going to Florida with.
[So, do you bike?]
[No no no, at least not very well, very badly…no cliffs or highway. I’ll do anything else; I tell you!]
and then I remembered she had only learned to ride a bike in the past year.
So much brain energy wasted on nothing, I could have cured the common cold.