Normal is…

19 Nov

I was speaking to my friend, and I can’t remember the course of the conversation, but I ended up mentioning something I had heard on John Schaefer’s “New Sounds” podcast. It was at this point that my friend told me that I needed new pastimes, normal ones. No podcasts, no blogging, mo more drawing on my walls, or researching random topics, like the origin of tea bags. She then laid out a week’s pastime schedule that a normal person has, challenging me to follow it, for just the one week. I politely declined (well not so politely, I laughed hysterically and snorted profusely).


I figured though that the rest of you would be curious as to what is expected of the “normal” ones out there, so I’m posting her weekly schedule as dictated.


Sunday– Wake up late and go to the city. You have to go to the conventional stores, H&M, Gap, Banana, Zara’s, Ann Taylor Loft, Macy’s Daffy’s and if you can afford it, Bloomingdale’s, Saks, Barney’s, Bergdorf Goodman’s. No boutiques in the MeatPacking district or thrift shops in the village.


Monday – Call two friends, One married, one single, and talk to each of them for two hours


Tuesday – College night: So during class, text every third person in your contacts. This must be done very “subtly” with you sitting in the first seat right in front of the professor, your cell-phone hidden covertly on top of your desk. You must then glance furtively around the class, ascertain that no one is paying you any attention, surreptitiously slide your phone into your sleeve and urgently exit for the bathroom. Stay there for the next 15 minutes. (My friend couldn’t tell me how to occupy the 15 minutes, just that that was the required timeframe to be considered normal)


Wednesday – Go useless shopping with a friend for stuff like, shells, nail polish remover, and toothbrushes.


Thursday – In a public place, like the library, computer lab, or the kitchen of your house, log onto ABC, NBC, CBS, or any other network that let’s you watch previous show episodes, and watch a show. The catch being, you have to shut down the site anytime anyone gets within viewing range and open up something kosher, like OnlySimchas. My friend says this can take up to two hours.


Friday – Get your nails done. Wait the full 15 minutes for them to dry.


Motziah Shabbos – Get together with friends. Either go out to eat by Café K, Sunflower, or like establishments. Or sit in your car, outside her house for two hours talking and then go home.


Wow, I’m so envious of normal people!


What are your pastimes?


Do you qualify as normal?


Posted by on November 19, 2008 in Uncategorized


Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

24 responses to “Normal is…

  1. stam

    November 19, 2008 at 6:09 am

    that schedule is great. thanks for the laugh 🙂

  2. dina

    November 19, 2008 at 6:29 am

    Am quavering between incredulous amusement and downright dismay.

  3. EndOfWorld

    November 19, 2008 at 6:45 am

    correction for tuesday: spend the entire class time drawing on handouts the professor passes out. Spend the last five minutes praying she doesnt collect them.

  4. tooyoungtoteach

    November 19, 2008 at 6:52 am

    Hey, it was a cool zach!…check out the header, that was tonight’s creation…drawing doesn’t fall into norm standards…

  5. manly lips

    November 19, 2008 at 9:20 am

    hmmm… can’t picture you sticking to this
    schedule for a day… but i couldn’t stick to it for an hour!!!
    nice modern art, btw

  6. Frum Librarian

    November 19, 2008 at 2:40 pm

    Thursday is my favorite, I have to say. Either watch the shows or don’t, why do you have to have the Onlysimchas cover story?

  7. offthederech

    November 19, 2008 at 3:21 pm

    Normal? What’s that?

  8. The Jewish Side

    November 19, 2008 at 3:21 pm

    TooYoungTooTeach: cool header, did you make it?

    Lol, I suppose I don’t follow the normal schedule either.

    “surreptitiously slide your phone into your sleeve and urgently exit for the bathroom.”

    I’ve seen a girl do that, I thought she was the only one. I thought it was such a smart trick. She would also take her siddur with her, but in clear view, cause after all it’s a religious thing so they have to respect you, and she would go daven. I think she waited each day till a certain time in class to go daven, so that she didn’t have to sit through the boring prof.

    So you did draw the picture, great job!

  9. tooyoungtoteach

    November 19, 2008 at 6:02 pm

    FrumLibrarian: Because you are a frum bais yaakov girl who doesn’t even know what television is…or you don’t want to seem as shallow as you are (I’m not sure if OnlySimchas looks any better though)

  10. Jacob Da Jew

    November 19, 2008 at 6:51 pm

    Sounds like a schedule for a teenager.

  11. espes

    November 19, 2008 at 8:48 pm

    this is very funny!!!

  12. Princess Lea

    November 19, 2008 at 10:06 pm

    Has anyone else noticed that this seemingly (cough) “normal” schedule can put quite a dent into one’s budget?

  13. The Jewish Side

    November 19, 2008 at 11:43 pm

    Also, I have another thing to add on:

    That they bring apples for snack!

    I personally can’t stand the crunching sound, so I always notice when their eating apples in class. It’s always the Jews.

  14. JellybeanLover

    November 20, 2008 at 1:50 am

    well ever since high school Thursday was my most favt. day and it did not change!!(it were my shortest day of the week =p)

  15. Moshe

    November 20, 2008 at 7:33 am

    Nice drawing.

    What to do with a cell for 15 minutes?! Am I the only one with internet and opera mini on my cell?!

    One of my friends has computer in the basement and plays WOW. He hides this from his wife by quickly minimizing the game if she comes in. I told him if he doesn’t stop lying, it’s gonna end badly. I was more or less right. She thought he was watching porn and banned him from internet for like a month.

  16. tooyoungtoteach

    November 20, 2008 at 6:52 pm

    Ok, Moshe, stupid question…what’s WOW?

    Also, ye, you’re the only one with internet on your phone, I’m lucky I got 500 free texts a month, ze hu!

  17. Moshe

    November 20, 2008 at 7:17 pm

    World Of Warcraft. Where have you been?!

  18. tooyoungtoteach

    November 21, 2008 at 1:24 am

    Oh, I used to play the Warcraft computer games. We had all three games (the first, second and expansion set) except I would only play with the cheat codes, I was too scared of dying.

  19. EndOfWorld

    November 21, 2008 at 2:34 am

    tooyoungtoteach. LOL on warcraft computer games. I used to do that also-same for Doom. Why risk my neck against ugly creatures without the guaranteed protection of godmode

  20. Moshe

    November 21, 2008 at 5:05 am

    Ah yes, IDDQD, IDKFA. Good times.
    I cheat because I don’t have time to replay something over and over trying to get that exact sequence that the developers wanted you to perform.

  21. Moshe

    November 21, 2008 at 5:07 am

    Wolf3D anyone? Yes, I’m old.

  22. tooyoungtoteach

    November 21, 2008 at 5:53 am

    My brothers used to play Doom an Wolf…we used to always imitate the Germans dying in Wold “Mein Leiben!”

    …I was too scared of Doom and Wolf because you actually moved through the board, first person perspective, Warcraft, was a bit more objective…

  23. The Jewish Side

    November 21, 2008 at 7:54 am

    I’ve never played this stuff. Never heard of it, but sounds gory.


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