Melave Malka Mincings

16 Nov

My school had a Melave Malka last night, fascinating sociological observations.


First off, there are a few rules concerning how one is allowed to procure food


1)     Never go alone. You must go with at least one other person, even if she just stands next to you without making any motions to take food herself. (If you go by yourself you must be a fat loser…or you will be soon)

2)     Figure out the proportions of your plate – the salad must be taking up more place than the pasta. You can spread the salad thin, and compact the pasta, so really you have more pasta than salad – it’s alright, as long as it looks like you have more salad.

3)     You cannot go back more than 2x’s. Period.

4)     If you go back more than once, you must take a new plate. Carrying a used plate makes you look gluttonous.

5)     Do not be over eager for food. This means waiting your turn, letting people ahead of you, even if they finish off what you really wanted.

6)     You must whine about how much you ate, and how fat you are before each food you serve for yourself


Second, I was able to identify the different types of personalities and their expression in the dance form.


1)     The uninhibited crazy dancer – she doesn’t necessarily have the best moves or grace, but she makes up for it in exuberance and shrieks.

2)     The overconfident cocky girls who know all the organized dance sequences and execute them methodically with perfection.

3)     The in-between girl. She’s relatively uninhibited, but she has little rhythm, and just following the steps a second after everyone else started it. She’s constantly looking at others and herself to make sure she’s keeping pace.

4)     The girls who dance and try, but they hold back, unsure and end up looking stupid because they don’t commit. They think they’re preserving their dignity and poise, but they really end up looking as self-conscience as they are.

5)     The girls who stand on the side- too cool, say it’s stupid, say they can’t really express/dance the way they want to because the principals are watching, but they really wish they could just let go of their inhibitions.

6)     The girls who clean up.

7)     The girls who stay home.


And then there was me, getting a premature experience.


I now know what it’ll be like in about 30 years, standing around at my niece’s, nephew’s, friend’s daughter/son’s wedding watching from the sidelines commenting.




Posted by on November 16, 2008 in Food, Teaching


Tags: , , , , , , , ,

13 responses to “Melave Malka Mincings

  1. manly lips

    November 16, 2008 at 11:03 pm

    oh man… remembering those chagigas and things. I really did not like dancing at those affairs. i guess i was sort of like 3. i did the easy ones… but didn’t even try the more difficult ones. thought the the whole thing was a bit silly really
    tried to make myself look EXTREMELY busy with other things

  2. Mikeinmidwood

    November 16, 2008 at 11:31 pm

    The eating problem does not exist for males. The different dancers do.

  3. frumpunk

    November 16, 2008 at 11:33 pm

    Ha, oh man, I just laughed at the food rules. With the guys, its a mark of pride for us to go multiple times and take as much food as possible. And there would never be salad served.

  4. The Jewish Side

    November 16, 2008 at 11:45 pm

    Every time I hear the mention of girls eating Salad, and the whole food business, it always leaves me off questioning my femininity. I don’t like salad, and never ate them at school functions or restaurants or anything, the only salad I like is cucumber salad, and I’m not sure if that counts.

    Although I would notice that by shmorgas boards at weddings, it was always the men who were gobbling the food, and the woman were talking with their friends.

    The only food rule I kept was number 5. That happened a bunch of times, where I let people go before me, and then the food was all gone.

    About the dancing. In 8th grade, I was #7, and didn’t want to go to our school’s thing…which got my principal upset…long story. So in HS, I made sure to go to the functions, but I never liked joining in, and would sit on the side and talk to friends, then people would always tell me to come join, so I would join for a little bit, but I hated it. Then surprisingly later on, when I go to weddings, I don’t mind the dancing, and I never stayed on the side line, and always joined. I suppose leaving HS brings back a certain confidence or something.

    and TooYoungToTeach you do seem to have a lot of observations. Doesn’t seem like it would be boring.

  5. JellybeanLover

    November 16, 2008 at 11:46 pm

    I usually dance for 5 sec. and then go to a table with friends and talk about how people who cant move for their live but they are the first ones on the floor!

  6. frumpunk

    November 17, 2008 at 12:13 am

    I think dancing at weddings only exists to make people burn off some of the food.

  7. tooyoungtoteach

    November 17, 2008 at 12:20 am

    ManlyLips: G.O. people like yourself always looks busy, you atleast had a legitimate excuse to abstain form from dancing

    JellyBean: You may have done that in school, but you should see yourself at weddings these days, you are a conbination of 1and 2…steer clear.

    JewishSide: I don’t eat salad because of the bug sit…so I everyone hates me, the skinny girl that only eats pasta.

    FrumPunk: I don’t think so, because the people who eat the most, and need to burn, are the ones standing on the side, at least on the ladies side. 🙂

    And just as a side point: throughout my high school years, depending on my mood, I was 2,5 and 7…but mostly 7.

  8. The Jewish Side

    November 17, 2008 at 12:21 am

    Frum Punk: But you don’t get the main course till after the first dance.

  9. tooyoungtoteach

    November 17, 2008 at 12:27 am

    Nobody dances by the first dance. They just shuffle along and step on my feet.

    Real Dancing only starts by the second dance.

  10. Moshe

    November 17, 2008 at 2:13 am

    I go to the women’s side, eat all the meat or whatever’s good there, then look if there’s anything interesting on the men’s side. Me and my friends are also the people emptying all of your alcohol.

    As far as dancing, last wedding that I went to, I brought a bokken (wooden sword).


    November 17, 2008 at 2:48 am

    i think i must fit under number 4 or 5 when it comes to dancing……i’m really very self -conscious, u know….

  12. Es

    November 17, 2008 at 5:30 am

    this post was soooo NY!
    in my “out of town” city- NONE of the eating or dancing rules apply

  13. Esther Hadassah

    November 17, 2008 at 7:49 pm

    Sounds like a typical melave malka that takes place in a girl’s seminary.


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