Kallah Confrontation

29 Oct

I have/had a wedding every night this week. This of course brings up the question that everyone has, but no one talks about in fear of sounding socially retarded.


What do you say to the Kallah?


I never know what to say.


Tell her she’s beautiful? She’s heard that enough tonight, and seriously, there’s no substance, what’s she supposed to respond?

“Thanks.” ???

Besides, HELLO, it’s her wedding of course she’s beautiful and even if she isn’t everyone would be saying so anyway.


What can I say that not trivial and appropriate. For G-d’s sake, it’s her wedding. The usual small talk doesn’t do. I can’t talk about the weather, traffic, shopping or whatever stupidity we girls ploiter on about. It’s a wedding; say something significant.


Even if my best friend is getting married, I can’t talk about moral relativity, the genius that is Jane Austen, or my latest dating fiasco.


And I don’t do the bracha giving thing, I leave that for the Rabbis.


So what do you do? Dance and smile serenely at each other…Awkward anyone?


My friend tells me this why girls shriek.




Posted by on October 29, 2008 in Weddings


Tags: , , , , ,

18 responses to “Kallah Confrontation

  1. Es

    October 29, 2008 at 7:04 pm

    “Tell her she’s beautiful? She’s heard that enough tonight”
    no one ever gets sick of hearing that they look beautiful. maybe give her a more specific specific compliment?

    and on the more significant note- im also always left clueless

  2. frumcollegegirl

    October 29, 2008 at 10:17 pm

    you hit the nail on the head!

    one of those social scenes that i hate…

  3. The Babysitter

    October 30, 2008 at 12:02 am

    I had this same question. But I knew beforehand at least one thing to say. Because I was talking to my best friend on the phone a few days before her wedding and she was asking me to describe how a different persons gown looked, and I said some vague description, so she told me “This is what your going to say to describe my gown, it’s white and has some puffs here and this thing there” So then of course I laughed with her, and I told her not to worry that I will make sure to look at the details of her gown. She also said that she had bought her own crown for 300 dollars so I told her I’ll make sure to look at that too. So by the wedding when I danced with her 2 times it was kinda awkward cause I don’t really like dancing, so I couldn’t dance and talk at the same time, but she talked. But when she took a break then I went over to her and I told her that her crown is beautiful and that I noticed how her gown looks. Then I stayed till the very end, so at the end, after benching I was able to talk with her more and there it felt more relaxed cause everyone had left already so I was able to talk normally with her.

    But with other people from my class that I was friendly with but not best friends, then I wouldn’t really tell them anything, before the badeken they would give a bracha, I would say thanx. Then only when I see them at the next wedding would I be able to talk to them regularly. Cause I feel when its their day their too much in the skies that I feel they are higher than me. So I end up talking to the other classmates the whole time and it becomes a reunion.

  4. Frum Hiker

    October 30, 2008 at 5:26 am

    I wish I had weddings so often- you never have to buy food.

    I go to about one weddings every 6 months

  5. EndOfWorld

    October 30, 2008 at 7:35 am

    Try telling her she’s ugly
    Don’t forget to blog about that experience….:)

  6. Moshe

    October 30, 2008 at 2:01 pm

    Tell her she looks so hot that if you’d swing that way, you’d be all over her. 😉

  7. tooyoungtoteach

    October 30, 2008 at 4:19 pm

    EndofWorld and Moshe: Sure…

  8. Moshe

    October 30, 2008 at 4:34 pm

    Here’s another fun topic.
    “So…where the two of you shomer negiah while going out?”

  9. frumcollegegirl

    October 30, 2008 at 5:01 pm

    as dumb as you feel, she probably won’t even remember dancing with you about two seconds after it’s over. after enough weddings, i stopped thinking of something good to say and just made sure i was at a good angle in the camera’s view

  10. tooyoungtoteach

    October 30, 2008 at 5:12 pm

    FrmCllgeGrl: I try to comfort myself with that thought, that she won’t remember, but I remember everything…so it’s hard to imagine someone else not, even though I know she wont…

  11. Princess Lea

    October 30, 2008 at 8:30 pm

    Just pretend you can’t hear her over the insanely loud music.
    Gesture helplessly towards your ears, then smooch her on the cheek and recede into the comfort of the circle.

  12. halfshared

    October 30, 2008 at 9:37 pm

    I usually try to find something specific about her gown, her crown, her compliment her on. I usually finish dancing with the Kallah by the time the compliment-giving is over..and I hardly ever run out of compliments so….

  13. daughtersintheparsha

    October 31, 2008 at 4:59 am

    that’s why girls shriek?? How funny!

    By the way, this problem doesn’t improve as you get older. The moms have the same problem. The mother of the chosson/kallah can always say “I’H by YOUR kids”.
    and we kindly nod our double chins and grin widely and murmur a quiet “I’H”.

  14. Bas~Melech

    November 2, 2008 at 6:09 am

    My friend tells me this why girls shriek. LOL!

    First, I do the bracha-thing, so I don’t know how much I can offer here… I also kind of agree with Princess Lea and FrumCollegeGirl.

    But if you really feel a need to say something meaningful, think of that saying “Keitzad merakdim… kallah na’ah.” So that’s advice for the men, but you can flip it and tell her you heard her chassan is the most wonderful thing on Earth, so they must really deserve each other. Probably nothing better than that to hear on the wedding night.


    November 3, 2008 at 3:09 am

    Hey! I always thought that i was the only one with this issue. I’m so glad to hear that there others out there who also find it difficult to make conversation with the kallah at her wedding! =)

  16. Frayda

    November 3, 2008 at 8:33 pm

    I remember most of the people I danced with at my wedding. That was five years ago. Tell the kallah that you are really happy for her and you are sure she will have a wonderful life (or something to that extent).

  17. Kallah Gown

    January 26, 2009 at 5:01 am

    Tell her she can get rid of her gown the morning after by posting a picture on the website


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