RSS

Dating Duties and Desires

20 Oct

Dating is an overdone topic, yet, everyone still wants to hear about everyone else’s rules, expectations, disasters, triumphs and frustrations in this area. I’m count myself among the everybody, and I’m gonna add my little tidbit here.

 

Easy ways to impress me on a date.

 

         Show up on time. Not fashionably late, but on time. My nerves are frazzled enough as it is, and besides I’m a Yekke born in a Hungarian/American body.

 

 

         Say Hi with a smile and don’t blush while doing it when I walk into the dining room and you see me for the first time

 

         Don’t open the door for me. It’s a empty gesture that makes me feel inferior in a feminist sort of way

 

         Make yourself comfortable, take off your hat, jacket and loosen your tie, if that works for you, but don’t sit there awkwardly with a stiff back

 

         Don’t interrogate me. Yes, I know it’s difficult to make conversation with a perfect stranger, but try to have some sort of segway to the conversation and a transition on subjects.

 

         You will not be smote out instantly if you look at me when you talk to me

 

         Do not ask me where I want to go. My effort was putting myself together, do your part and do a quick google search. Yes, it’s nice to give me options, but don’t make me ask for them, because we both end up looking stupid.

 

         When you parallel park, and are in reverse, do not put your hand behind my seat. I’m a good Bais Yaakov girl, and I get uncomfortable. Period.

 

         If you are tall, please watch that you don’t hog all the leg space when you spread yourself out. I don’t need to avoid playing footsie with you.

 

 

         Don’t tell me about all the other people you dated and what was wrong with them. I have no interest in the competition or really even on yenta-value.

 

 

         Please get back to the shadchan as soon as possible. I’m one of those annoying don’t eat don’t sleep type, and you make it worse when you take your merry time.

 

         To save grace, make up a reason that doesn’t leave you looking silly for saying no, like “We have different goals, or “she’s not frum enough”, not “She’s too smart for me.”

 

         Don’t prolong a date (six hours) if you have every intention of saying no. Take her (me) home and spare all our emotions.

 

 

I’m young, and my list isn’t that long…yet.

 

Advertisements
 
23 Comments

Posted by on October 20, 2008 in Shidduchim

 

Tags: , , , , , , ,

23 responses to “Dating Duties and Desires

  1. Jacob da Jew

    October 20, 2008 at 5:27 am

    Hey, can I pick apart your list? Thanks 😛

    “Show up on time.” Agreed.

    “Don’t blush” Huh? Where do you find these kind of guys, under a rock? Blushing is for the fairer sex.

    “Don’t open the door for me.”

    Totally disagree. Its NOT an empty gesture and in fact on various “Shidduch Blogs” girls complain that guys need to do that much more often.

    ” Do not ask me where I want to go” Agreed. The dude should have some sort of plan in hand and it shouldn’t be only “Marriot Marriot and Marriot”.

    “When you parallel park, and are in reverse, do not put your hand behind my seat. I’m a good Bais Yaakov girl, and I get uncomfortable. Period.”

    Yes yes. But Aren’t you overreacting on this one? I mean , sheesh, the guy just wants to park.

    “If you are tall, please watch that you don’t hog all the leg space when you spread yourself out. I don’t need to avoid playing footsie with you.”

    mmm…footsie…

    “Please get back to the shadchan as soon as possible. I’m one of those annoying don’t eat don’t sleep type, and you make it worse when you take your merry time.”

    1000% agree. Who the hell needs 3 days to decide whether or not to go out again? Fech.

     
  2. Esther

    October 20, 2008 at 6:49 am

    “Don’t open the door for me. It’s a empty gesture that makes me feel inferior in a feminist sort of way”
    i think its nice when guys open the door.

    “Make yourself comfortable, take off your hat, jacket and loosen your tie, if that works for you, but don’t sit there awkwardly with a stiff back”
    never untuck ur shirt though!

    “Do not ask me where I want to go. My effort was putting myself together, do your part and do a quick google search. Yes, it’s nice to give me options, but don’t make me ask for them, because we both end up looking stupid.”
    omg this is the worst! ive gone on dates where the guy had NOTHING planned. he can ask if theres something specific i want to do, just to be nice, but then of course have something planned.

    ok and i have a few more to add:
    ~make sure the girl knows ahead of time if youre planning on taking her out to eat. i dont want to eat dinner before the date and then look anorexic when i dont eat at the restaurant.
    ~dont comment on what the girl is wearing (telling her that her shoes are nice or wtvr…). it makes me feel uncomfortable that hes noticing so much.
    ~when picking up the girl, DO NOT call her from the car and tell her your outside.
    ~if its cold out and shes not wearing a coat, its nice to offer yours, but if she says no, dont nudge her to take it. she obviously doesnt want it.
    ~dont ask the girl out again at the end of the date. theres a shadchan for a reason. the girl will probably just say yes cuz she doesnt want to say no to your face, and then will call the shadchan and say no.

    this is what i can think of right now- but im sure ill remember more later

     
  3. Princess Lea

    October 20, 2008 at 7:05 pm

    As a fellow Hungarian/American, I can concur with the punctuality. It’s not just a Yekke thing. It is open to all “don’t eat don’t sleep” types, of which I am a proud member. Ulcers run in my family.
    I don’t like having the door opened for me either, for the same reason. Empty gesture. to show good manners, do something meaningful, like being pleasant to the waiter.
    To add: when the “gentleman” in question dials the first phone call, do so at a normal hour. Not at 10:32, when I’ve decided to stop looking at the clock and go to sleep, only to be woken up 5 minutes later, so I have to pretend to be all perky while mentally cursing. And if that was a run-on sentence, I apologize.

     
  4. Princess Lea

    October 20, 2008 at 7:06 pm

    And why does my icon look so angry? I’m not that angry.

     
  5. Anita

    October 20, 2008 at 10:32 pm

    SI-
    I get annoyed when he DOESN’T open the door. I love it. shows a sign of respect. remember, halachically HE has to get married, not you.
    ***

    Esther-

    “when picking up the girl, DO NOT call her from the car and tell her your outside.”

    I HATE THAT! I HATE IT!

    Its so annoying. I had one idiot actually tell me “I’m on my way, wait outside” I was like “hell no!”

    – I always ask a guy where he’s taking me, jic, to solve the problem of whether or not to eat. I also ask if it wil be casual or formal, so I don’t show up over dressed.

     
  6. Moshe

    October 23, 2008 at 6:33 am

    Regarding opening the door, how else is he gonna get a good chance to check you out, wink, wink 😉

     
  7. EndOfWorld

    October 24, 2008 at 2:43 am

    lol.
    nice list.
    glad to see that you emerged with your sense of humor intact.

    I’d love to see this followed with a do not list for girls.
    how about:
    do not wear a bottle of perfume on a date. it causes people to pass out
    if you do wear a bottle of perfume, don’t complain of being cold when your date opens the window.
    it’s not okay to hum to yourself when you start getting bored.
    instead of making up excuses (i have a report to write) be honest when ending a date (you are dead boring. take me home).

    this one is for you:
    do not fix your date with a killer stare. be demure and ladylike, and avoid all eye contact. blush often and giggle.

     
  8. tooyoungtoteach

    October 24, 2008 at 6:23 am

    My eyes were made for those killer stares, that’s why I’m a born teacher 🙂

    as for giggling,

    seriously

    me?

    giggle?

    nisht.

     
  9. stam

    October 24, 2008 at 8:03 am

    im cracking up – i can relate to so many of those points!!

     
  10. The Babysitter

    October 24, 2008 at 4:29 pm

    TooYoungToTeach: “My eyes were made for those killer stares, that’s why I’m a born teacher”

    lol, I always had a staring contest with my teachers, and I still do. For some reasons all the teachers always looked at me while they were teaching, could be because I made eye contact with them and wasn’t just writing notes the whole time. Or could be because of my seat location. Sometimes after having eye contact for a while it would start to make me smile so I would break away the eye contact, then look back a few minutes later. But I love looking into eyes, it’s like the essence of the whole person.

    About all the dating stuff. I can agree with you on them, except the opening door one. I think it’s a nice thing and not just an empty gesture. Or it can be a neutral thing, like any other action. It’s all in their intention, but I can assure you they don’t intend to make you feel inferior, so they get credit for opening the door to be nice.

    If you look at those jokes of differences between dating and married, they always say that once their married the husbands stop opening the doors and the wives wish they were like when they dated, where they would do the nice gestures. SO it is a positive thing.

     
  11. Esther

    October 25, 2008 at 12:09 am

    “I had one idiot actually tell me “I’m on my way, wait outside” I was like “hell no!””

    one guy passed up the house and it was a one way street, so he called and asked me if i could walk down the block. such chutzpah

     
  12. frumpunk

    October 26, 2008 at 1:06 am

    The way I see it, if shes lucky enough to get to go on a date with me she should be thankful for that opportunity and not complain about anything else.

     
  13. The Babysitter

    October 26, 2008 at 5:02 am

    Esther: wow, that is chutzpah, reminds me of when I was a little kid on a van from day camp and they wanted to drop me off at the corner instead of dropping me off at my house where it was supposed to be, and I told the bus driver that I didn’t let, I felt like I would have been lost and wouldn’t know where my house was!

    FrumPunK: You have to be joking!

     
  14. tooyoungtoteach

    October 26, 2008 at 8:00 am

    FrumPunk: seriously…you keep going on how you’re semi-homeless, that’s a real selling point I’m sure.

     
  15. Anita

    October 26, 2008 at 9:42 am

    btw, this post just gave me an idea for another post. :). yay!!

    thank you!!

     
  16. The Babysitter

    October 26, 2008 at 6:07 pm

    Anita: Yay, but I still have to catch up on some of your other ones.

     
  17. frumpunk

    October 26, 2008 at 8:35 pm

    My homelessness is only matched by my arrogance!

    (Is it really not obvious when I’m joking?)

     
  18. tooyoungtoteach

    October 26, 2008 at 9:56 pm

    Obviously you were joking.

    As obvious as I was being nasty.

    If you really had that attitude you would have written it a lot more cockily…and apparently you are REALLY arrogent…

     
  19. frumpunk

    October 27, 2008 at 7:05 pm

    Well, to be fair, I wouldn’t be this arrogant if I wasn’t this awesome…

     
  20. tooyoungtoteach

    October 27, 2008 at 8:01 pm

    Which came first, the chicken or the egg?

     
  21. frumpunk

    October 27, 2008 at 11:46 pm

    The egg of my awesomeness hatched into the chicken of my arrogance which mated with the rooster of my brilliance to produce the egg that is me.

     
  22. Something Different

    February 1, 2009 at 6:00 pm

    Hee hee to the putting his hand on your seer to reverse thing….don’t get me wrong. I’ve never been on a date yet (yes, can you imagine?? Well, I’m not in shidduchim so…..) but I can imagine how I’d be squirming in my seat feeling really dumb. Oh gosh. One more reason for me to dread dating…

     
  23. Sunny

    July 21, 2010 at 10:45 pm

    Thank you for the door comment. I couldn’t agree more, and am glad I’m not alone.

     

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

 
%d bloggers like this: