Patronizing Pretty

07 Sep

I don’t mind going to shul on Shabbos. I even enjoy it. Walking there takes 20 minutes, as does walking home, so I get 40 minutes of walking before I eat the seuda, so then I don’t feel so bad eating what I do.


 I actually enjoy leining, I get to know what parsha it is, and what happens instead of being a complete ignoramus, like most girls turn into once they leave school.


The thing I don’t like about shul, is everyone else.


Now my shul isn’t so bad, but it’s bad enough. The moment I walk in, it’s the age old complaint, all eyes are on me. Being of “eligible” age doesn’t help much. They check out my shoes for heel height, style, and scuff marks. Then my pantyhose are checked, is there G-d forbid a run? A slight snag? Are they the right shade? (when you have a tan, the pantyhose you wear during the year are too light giving your legs a plasticly Barbiesque sheen to them). Then goes my skirt. Is it long enough? Too long? Matching my top? Am I wearing a suit?…I’m really fine with that to be honest. I love my clothes, am confident in my fashion sense, my tznius, and my presentation (no runs, or slips slipping)


The problem come to my head. My makeup doesn’t last through a sleep. It’s not  really problem either, I’m not one of those people who can’t walk out of their house without makeup, or thinks I need hideous with of streaks of blue behind my eyes to be beautiful. The issue is my hair. It’s thin and short. That translates into it not keeping its shape over the night, and me not being able to put it in a pony due to its length. Simply, I look like a limp duck. It’s a big blow to my ego. And I therefore don’t go to shul that often…mostly only Shabbos Mevorchim…


…but I went this week because my friend who it was by me for Shabbos always goes to shul and I couldn’t let her go by herself, while I slept in. The fact that it was terribly humid didn’t help the hair situation, it made it curl and crawl up my head so I resembled a 1920’s flapper with deliberate fingerwaves. Then in Shul, I got the most annoying comment of all.


“2yng2tch, you look so good! You look great” (bright eyes, lots of teeth)


Me: thanks (piously bury my head into the siddur and do not look up until davening is over)


Some may say, maybe you didn’t look so bad…or this is a validation that even when you look bad, you look good. I say eurgh, don’t look at me, and definitely don’t comment. I feel patronized rather than vindicated.


Posted by on September 7, 2008 in Shidduchim


Tags: , , , , ,

13 responses to “Patronizing Pretty

  1. Child Ish Behavior

    September 7, 2008 at 4:06 am

    You really do have a bad self image. Or you are a big cynic.

    Really, it is all in your head. Nothing you said points to people actually saying the things you are thinking.

  2. The Babysitter

    September 7, 2008 at 1:07 pm

    Too Young To Teach: I know exactly what you mean. I used to feel the same way about going to my old shul, but by me it was because of clothes.

    This past shabbos I went away, and I hadn’t had time to blow my hair or anything before shabbos, so it was very frizzy and ichy. The whole time I felt self conscious about it. Especially when these mothers were talking about their sheitels how they were afraid it was getting frizzy, when really it was perfect.

  3. tooyoungtoteach

    September 7, 2008 at 1:28 pm

    I guess I’m a big cynic, because I have a great self image…
    …I don’t mind them commenting on anything I’m confident in…my hair after I’ve slept on it, is another story…

    and there’s the issue of people complimenting me, when I don’t think my presentation is of any note.

    Also, while, I can’t know what they’re thinking, I know what I’m thinking, and what my mother and friends are thinking…and they’re along similar lines (yes, I know it’s hypocritcal, but I don’t mind people doing it to me, except with my hair)

  4. EndOfWorld

    September 7, 2008 at 10:48 pm

    LOL. I loved that meek little “thank you.”
    At least you aren’t like those other very obvious self conscious girls who use all sorts of gimicks, such as headbands or scarves to try to cover up.

  5. s(b.)

    September 8, 2008 at 5:17 am

    I hate thinking about my shabbos hair.

  6. BigSis

    September 8, 2008 at 9:36 pm

    Grow up….all you girls are nuts and bored.
    Go find better things to do with your time.

  7. tooyoungtoteach

    September 9, 2008 at 11:26 pm

    I wish I could cover up with “gimmicks”, but my hair’s too short!!

    And it’s not self consciousness, it’s management (it’s all about semantics, read my previous post “of teachers and tutors” covers this hot convention issue)

  8. The Babysitter

    September 10, 2008 at 2:14 pm

    Too Young To Teach: I noticed the same thing, so long as its something I’m confident in then I don’t mind the compliment.

  9. BigSis

    September 10, 2008 at 3:35 pm

    i dont think yiou realize that noone cares how u look all they care about is that THEY look better then u

  10. tooyoungtoteach

    September 10, 2008 at 6:12 pm

    BigSis: ahhh….now I get it…so looking bad is a good thing then.

  11. frumpunk

    September 10, 2008 at 7:51 pm

    If you dress to elicit a positive response from others you’re doing it all wrong. Do what you want to please yourself and sod everyone else.

  12. tooyoungtoteach

    September 10, 2008 at 8:46 pm

    I dress to please myself, except Shabbos restricts me from doing that, and I’m therefore self conscious…

  13. The Babysitter

    September 11, 2008 at 7:22 am

    Too Young To Teach: I had meant to write a longer comment last time, just that I was at a school computer and I realized the typing makes so much noise, so I didn’t want to type too much.

    Anyways, I agree with you.

    Also, I wanted to add on about compliments, not sure if I said this before or not. That any time a person compliments really you don’t have to feel self conscious about it. I used to think that perhaps people were fake when they complimented. But really its one of two things. Either they are sincere. Or even if they are fake, they are complimenting because they want to be on your good side, so for just that alone its ok to believe the compliment, because they look up to you and want your approval.


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