Who’s Wedding is it anyway?

31 Aug

Contrary to popular belief, but a Jewish wedding is not there to celebrate the marriage of girl A to boy B. Rather it is for the parents of girl A and Boy B to celebrate their children tying the knot. Sorry to shatter all engaged or dreamy girls dreams, imagining their wedding as “their DAY”. Your wedding is for your parents not you.

If it was up to me, I’d invite my friends, immediate family, maybe a few cousins, and that’s it to my wedding. But no, I’ll probably have to cut down my friend list to accommodate cousins and old family friends I never knew existed. I’ll smile at kabolas ponim, and kiss the cheeks of many people with scratchy skin, and firm handshakes wishing me a hearty “Mazal Tov”. I’ve seen my sisters go through it, and so will, in due time.

Yes, I’ll choose my gown, how I wear my hair blah blah blah, I did that for myself at my siblings wedding already, it doesn’t count. What counts is who comes and is invited…in which I my guest come in 2nd.

People complain of a Shidduch Crisis, and my brother and I have realized that it’s out-of-town mothers that contribute to it. Many boys won’t go out with out-of-town girls because, besides for the dating inconvenience, it is very difficult for their friends to attend their wedding. If the boy is learning in Lakewood, and most of her friends are married and live in Lakewood, wouldn’t it be logical for the wedding to be in Lakewood? If the wedding were for the Chosson and Kallah, the answer is clear. However, since the wedding is for the parents, the solution is no longer and option, because then all THEIR people won’t be able to attend.

I don’t think anything I say will change the reality, just wanted to open your eyes, and jade your image of weddings…Hey, think of it this way, if you have more than one kid than you’ll have an opportunity to have “your day” more than once (a new incentive to have kids..)


Posted by on August 31, 2008 in Weddings


Tags: , , ,

11 responses to “Who’s Wedding is it anyway?

  1. Child Ish Behavior

    August 31, 2008 at 3:58 am

    Ya. wouldn’t the world be so much better with out all those meddlesome people who brought us into this world?

  2. Mikeinmidwood

    August 31, 2008 at 4:05 am

    (sound of shattering glass in the backround and a shocked look on my face) I aint waiting that long for my day.

  3. tooyoungtoteach

    September 1, 2008 at 1:27 am

    I love my parents…and I’m just pointing out a reality. I don’t mind it that much to be honest.

  4. Mrs. Lakewood falling down

    September 1, 2008 at 11:25 pm

    I was lucky! My parents said “It’s your wedding, we had ours, you can have what you want within reason.” We cut corners on stuff to have our nearest and dearest there with us.

  5. EndOfWorld

    September 2, 2008 at 12:34 am

    Do people really think that they’ll be living in the same town forever?

    Anyway, sporadic, I have a nice BT from australia to suggest… 😀

  6. tooyoungtoteach

    September 2, 2008 at 12:38 am

    No problem, EndofWorld, call my mother.

  7. The Babysitter

    September 2, 2008 at 3:51 pm

    Too Young To Teach: I don’t really agree with this so much.

    My little brother is going to be Bar Mitzvah’d in a few years, and he’s already saying that he doesn’t want all my mothers friends there. That he wants to choose who should come. But I don’t agree with that so much, because the parent is paying for it, everybody in the family should be happy. For the parent its a big accomplishment so they should be allowed to invite their friends.

    Now with a wedding, the reason why there are so many people you don’t know there, is because that is the only chance to see them, its understood that at weddings you see your far off relatives. You get to catch up. Otherwise you would never see them.

    Also, the more people, the more gifts, not that that’s a valid reason to have millions of people you don’t know.

    A small wedding is nice, but its the abundance of people that make it lively. Plus, you never know who is the one person that will truly make the simcha better.

    The Chasson and Kallah are in their own world anyways, so they don’t really pay attention to whose by the wedding, I would imagine. So to them everyone is the same. They dance with their good friends and relatives anyways, so that’s what counts.

  8. tooyoungtoteach

    September 2, 2008 at 4:22 pm

    I hear you side, and I might as well listen to it, because that’s what my wedding will be, a big one.
    The problem with my “far off” relatives, is that I don’t know that 3/4 of them exist. My mother knows and talks to all of them, from both sides…but seriously have to ask
    “Who’s that, and she’s who’s daughter…who’s that…oh so it’s elta bubby’s sister’s daughter’s daughter-in-law…”

    Also read FrumPunk’s post “the wedding”, he enumerates the difference between a larg and small wedding.

    As for your brother ‘s Bar Mitzvah, I find that to be more of a parents simcha all together.
    A Bar Mitzvah happens when you turn 13,period. There’s nothing you can do about, nothing so great that you deserve it, or don’t. A wedding, you put in the effort, you date, you find “the one”, it doesn’t just happen, you have to make it happen to an extent, it’s your thing, there is more ownership to it.

  9. The Babysitter

    September 2, 2008 at 5:39 pm

    TooYoungToTeach: so that happens any time you go to a wedding. When its going to be your wedding, they will know who you are, because they will get your invitation, when they see the invitation they will start to question who you are. By the time its the wedding, they will know.

    Yea, I read Frum Punk’s post. He did bring a good point. I’m not against small weddings, I do think with a smaller crowd its more personal and better and everything. Just there are pros and cons to both.

    Your right about the Bar Mitzvah, I see your point. I hadn’t though of that. In that case I can understand what you were saying.

  10. Mikeinmidwood

    September 2, 2008 at 10:12 pm

    Small wedding make it nice and everyone who came is happy

  11. Jacob da Jew

    September 3, 2008 at 2:16 pm

    Well said. In fact, when we did our son’s Bris, we felt that this is the first time that we are doing our own simcha, that our wedding did not really count.

    By the wedding the in-laws and parents got to choose many people, by the bris we only had a few of their friends, mostly it was our friends who came.


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