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Letters to Noone

I find myself composing a lot of letters in my head these days. The general theme is “You’re an inconsiderate idiot, here’s why”. Mostly they are formulated while I drive, addressed to passing motorists. On particularly neurotic days, (or bigger idiots), I’ll even look for their license plate number, as if I’ll remember it, and look them up somehow.

But it’s not only for moronic drivers (the stupid ones are women, the idiotic ones, men), but for sales people (rude), mothers in the park (negligent), some of my students (lazy), and well, family too (intrusive) .

The thing is I think people by nature are prone to acts of idiocy and stupidity. Not that it’s a definition, but something everyone falls victim to once in a while. So why are the odds of “once in a while” seeming to always fall out in my presence? And then, if I acknowledge this fundamental premise of humanity, why am I getting so frustrated about it – there’s nothing to be done.

I’m even aware of the fact that I am most probably someone else’s idiot.

But I’m still composing letters that start,

Dear Tuchasface,

Venting makes me feel better.

 
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Posted by on March 28, 2012 in Humor

 

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The Psyche of Gifts

I was trying to explain to my husband the difficulty in buying men presents. Besides for the obvious lack of gift items, and options in the gifts themselves, there is a much deeper psychological reason.

Rabbi Akiva Tatz in one of his speeches on marriage makes a point that is backed up by a lot of mystical resources. Skipping the resources and going to the practical, he basically says women think about their husbands all the time, and their love and relationship is constantly on the surface of their mind. Men, while they love their wives very much, do not think about them on a constant basis….and therein lies the issue.

People often say about gifts, “It’s the thought that counts”, which as I will explain, only applies to gifts bought by the husband. You see, because men don’t often dwell on thoughts of love and devotion for their wives, any gift, from the trivial to the absurd indicates to a woman that “Wow, my husband actually thought about me today!” And a woman will get a warm and fuzzy feeling over her husband’s attentiveness, that he was able to go beyond his natural tendency and focus on her more than, well, expected.

On the converse, because women are constantly thinking about their spouses, a lousy gift, is just that a lousy gift, the thought doesn’t count because the wife would have been thinking of her husband even if there was no occasion, or no gift was purchased, so a gift is nothing more than it is.

In “Men are From Mars, Women are from Venus” John Grey explains the “point scoring system” in relationships. Simply, for men, the bigger the item, the more points a woman will earn. For women, everything is worth one point, no matter how small (bar of chocolate) or how big (a car). This fits right in to what I was saying before…women just want the thought behind the gift, and men just want the gift.

So what it comes down to, is that besides there being few gift options for men, whatever you get has to be really good, or you might as well not get it. With that, my first anniversary is next week – HELP!

 
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Posted by on June 10, 2010 in Uncategorized

 

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Intellectually Challenged

I firmly believe that smart girls need smart boys, but smart boys don’t need smart girls.

I have a genius friend though who argued the point.

“But B,” I protested. “ A guy who’s not smart wouldn’t get half the things you say, and you love to argue a point, take any side, but you thoroughly enjoy the mental challenge of making a point, supporting it, and winning. A stupid guy, or even average guy, could not follow and be able to match your wits.”

She laughed lightly.

“I know, so then I always get to win.”

It was light conversation, and funny comment in context, but I think what she said is actually one of the reasons why men don’t need smart women.

(Ye, men are wimps when it comes to losing, no matter how gracefully they do it)

 
4 Comments

Posted by on March 12, 2010 in Uncategorized

 

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….Then My Life Would Be Complete

I’m on a quest to find the perfect white shirt.

All you girls know exactly what I’m talking about.

This white shirt has a good collar, not too small that you look like a dweeb with a pocket protector ,or big, like Henry VII ruff.

This white shirt should have nice cuffs to stick out a bit from sweater sleeves, maybe French ones, or at least double buttons.

This white shirt should fit properly, has a little lycra to give you shape, but not too much to make you slutty.  

This white shirt is crisp and pure and makes you chic and not frummy.

But most of all, this white shirt doesn’t tell everyone that I applied the Tweety tattoo I got in the 25 cents machine: not see through. I don’t want to have to put a full blown Linda Leal underneath, because that is just extra layers to make me look fat.

If you find one let me know.

(I have a budget though, should I forget about it [the budget, not shirt]?)

 
3 Comments

Posted by on December 16, 2009 in Jewish

 

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Men vs. Women: The Last Degradation

Man vs. Woman

Handsome vs. Beautiful.

We’ll all agree that woman as a physical being are infinitely more beautiful/gorgeous/nicer looking than men. Yes, there are plenty of men that are better looking than a majority of women, but if you were to take the best looking guy and the best looking girl, hormones aside, the woman will be more beautiful.

With that being said, it’s still easier to be a good looking guy than a good looking girl…not just good looking, but note-worthy.

Wait!!! Before you start yelling at me about women having more options in hairstyles, makeup, girdles, heels and all the paraphernalia women use to enhance their looks, hear me out. While women have more sanctioned tools to enhance their visual presentation, Men, don’t need tools…they have a much broader range of acceptance in terms of what is considered good looking.

Take noses. Across the board for women a delicate aquiline nose is coveted. Most of us, don’t have it, and make do with whatever G-d graced us with, but we will constantly shadow and contour our noses aiming to achieve the genetically improbable. And a woman can be beautiful without a perfect nose, but a nose too round, will relegate her to cute, or “character”.

Men on the other hand, they can wear any nose. And as long as they carry it well, it’s theirs. Call it character (for a man character is good, woman, not so), endearing, strong. A man can still qualify as good looking without stipulations if he has a massive, fleshy, nostril dominant nose.

Next case in point: Wrinkles. Women never look good in them. Yes, we can work with them, and some wear them better than others, but women will also refer back to their youth for their complexion. Men look great in wrinkles. Crows feet, furrowed brows, and lined cheeks are all the rage. It denotes maturity, stature, gravity, intensity…and it’s ok.

Then there is body build. For woman there is only one option (forget about it being wrong, but this is present society dictating here) – THIN, slight build. For men there’s husky, athletic, built, stocky, lean…and a guy can qualify as good looking with any body type.

Have you ever seen a really good looking guy and then his sister who looks just like him, but just doesn’t make the cut? The look just doesn’t transfer over well for the fairer sex. This is everything previously stated in action. It’s the same features, what’s the difference? The difference is that we have different expectation, higher ones for women and lower standards more men.

With all that being said. I’ll stick with myself. Hand me my mascara.

 
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Posted by on January 14, 2009 in Uncategorized

 

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Emotional Dis”dress”

I believe that one of the worst feeling a woman can feel today is being cheated out of a good buy. Well, I can’t exactly say that it’s the worst feeling in terms of reality, where there’s death, sickness and tragedy all over…but those are instances were a person is expected to be overwhelmed by emotion, not feel good and the like. But being cheated out of a good buy, is well…to put it mildly, very disappointing.                 

For most women, shopping is one of, if not their favorite pastimes. A woman shops around looking for great things at great prices (meaning cheap, or relatively), and when they don’t get it when they can, it’s very distressing.

To give an example: Say I bought a pair of slippers for $30, I love my slippers, they’re really cool, then two weeks later me friend calls me and say

oh y’know your slippers, I just got them, for get this, 15 dollars, half price.”

All of a sudden, your slippers are ugh, Like they weren’t worth it. One because, they don’t feel their worth anymore; they were selling them for less, so they must not be worth the money you paid, so you were in way ripped off. Nobody likes that; it makes them feel stupid that they didn’t know better. And two they feel silly, like,

“Oh I should have waited two weeks, but no, I had to get them then…” and you feel like you’re a lousy shopper. It’s as though you can’t shop well.

Now think of it this way. If you love to shop, then you hope you’re good at it. People generally like to be good at something they love, but if you didn’t get a good buy (it might have been a good buy, but there was a better one) then you’re not good, or not as good as you thought or hoped to be with something you love.

Another thing is, as I’ve mentioned before, people are expected to be upset and emotional when someone dies, is sick etc. These people are expected to display extreme emotions of crying, weeping, shrieking and the sort, so they can express themselves fully. Most people understand and can sympathize with those emotions.

Then you have a person who got the raw end of a deal (like they bought too early..) If they would get all distressed about it, more than a small lament, people would think them insane. Like they had no life, substance, depth. So you have this emotion, that you can’t express (unless you don’t mind being looked at as though you’re a complete airhead) it’s all bottled up, and it just makes you feel awful. And that is why I believe bad buys are one of the worst emotions experienced by woman these days. (Sad and pathetic, I agree, but true in any case)

 
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Posted by on July 17, 2008 in Uncategorized

 

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