My Life: In Verse

I found some notes I took at a Literacy seminar over the summer.
 
The speaker had us quickly jot down where we found poetry in our lives.
 
This is what I wrote:
 
My hate the world days
Standing by a friends chupah
Insomniac night wishing I could fall asleep
The things I do to procrastinate
The silent moments between friends
The awkwardness [...]

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Melave Malka Mincings

My school had a Melave Malka last night, fascinating sociological observations.
 
First off, there are a few rules concerning how one is allowed to procure food
 
1)     Never go alone. You must go with at least one other person, even if she just stands next to you without making any motions to take food herself. (If you [...]

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The Losers Loss

Don’t lose weight.
 
Yes, I know the entire world is harping on obesity and that you should exercise and eat right or you will die (yawn).  What you should also know is that you have more to lose than losing weight, when if and how you lose it.
 
1)     Food tastes good. Period. When you diet, you [...]

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Pithy Pumpkins

Families never let anyone live anything down, especially if it concerns your “future”.
 
A very long time ago (meaning 6 years ago), I burned a pot. A fish pot, to be exact. Oh, and the fish inside of it. The pot was incapacitated, and the fish thrown out. My family made fun me the entire Shabbos.
 
“….Hmmm, [...]

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Blasphemous Bikurim

On Shabbos my younger brother gave over a short d’var torah in typical question answer format.
 
Q: When people brought bikurim, the rich brought it in gold baskets, the poor straw. The Kohanim would give back the gold baskets and keep the straw. Why?
 
I came up with several reasons, some serious, some not
 
-         -Show the rich [...]

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It’s Black and White

I didn’t know I had an opinion on garbage bags, but apparently I do.
 
We always had black garbage bags in my house. Pretty standard, I think. You dump the garbage in the dark black hole and you never see it again. That’s the way it goes, it’s garbage, you don’t want to see it [...]

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Indignant Idiocies

I’m confused.
 
When it comes to kiddashim in shuls, sheva brachos, vorts, most simchas, the women get the best stuff.
 
The women get the Zeigleman cakes, Daskal’s cheese stuff, Portegal’s miniatures, chocolates by Edible Delights, the monogrammed cookies, the flower centerpieces. The everything.
 
While the men get the booze and sponge cake.
 
I’m ok with [...]

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Fabulous Food Foolery

Concerning food, I don’t think anyone takes lessons to heart. Yes, we may learn lessons, but we don’t apply them. Come to anything else, If we mess up, we don’t do it again, or do it again, but smarter.
 
If I oversleep, and the rest of my day is spent hiding because I’m wearing two different [...]

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Calorie Cancellation Consolation

In the world of girls, it is understood that there are certain foods and circumstances that simply don’t count in the world of calories. I’ve compiled all that I know (Thank you B.) If you have any more to contribute, please do. You will do justice to your existence on this earth.
 
No Calorie Foods and [...]

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Bulimic Sanctuary

Of all the million and a half disorders listed in the DSM IV, I always thought, Yay, at least I’m safe from one.
 
I thought I was immune to bulimia. Not because of my great self body image, self esteem, or other psychological factors. It’s very simple really, I have a TERRIBLE gag-reflex.
 
I can’t make [...]

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