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Depressing Discoveries

I’ll write when I have time, is what I and every aspiring, but lazy writer says. I have ideas, I wrote 5 books – in my head, but pen to paper, never happens.

I’m different, I said. I REALLY don’t have time. No excuses. There is no time. Teaching, prepping, marking papers, cooking, cleaning, diaper changing and plain old mommying (just as I sat down to write this my son came with a Dr. Suess book “Mommy, read a ducky feet!”), make up my entire day, there is no time for jotting down a few epiphanies.

Then my sister got engaged, and is now married (Mazal Tov RL!!!) and I wanted to give her a special gift. Nothing you can buy in the store (Can’t afford that anyway), but something from the heart, practical, and hand- made for her – a cookbook, with a monthly menu, and tips for the kitchen (When you have no time – use the stovetop. No patience – the oven).

I remembered when I first got married how overwhelming the whole kitchen experience was. Forget about the actual cooking, where I had zero to little experience, what I found most frustrating and anxiety provoking was deciding what to make in the first place. Once I knew what I was making, everything was much easier and focused. My sister has about the same cooking experience as me, and I figured she’d probably fall prey to the same mental torture as me, hence the menu.

Of course, since I have no time, this cookbook seemed to be more like a pipedream than an actuality. But I really wanted to do it, just like I really want to write. The wedding got closer and closer, and one morning I woke up and the Shabbos Kallah was a less than week away. And it was the end of the term, insane marking, essays, quizzes, rubrics, averages – big pain, little time.

I really wanted to do it though, so I did. I just did. I sat down, and did it. I even went to Amazing Savings to buy a nice loose-leaf (awesome store!), and then the Dollar Tree for sheet protectors (AS didn’t have). It was done in a night and day. That was it. Probably took about 6 hours total. I don’t know where I found the time. Everything I usually do in that time was accomplished too.

It’s motivating to realize that if I want to do something, it will get done. Very depressing though to realize I maybe don’t want to write as much I think I do.

 
2 Comments

Posted by on December 23, 2012 in Food, Musings, Slice of Life

 

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SuperWoman: Reality or Myth

Pinwheels, makes me think of little kids with spittle flying out of their over-puffed cheeks, blowing on shiny metallic plastic. And then it makes me think of a pastry confection that real almost only in my mind

My mother used to make pinwheel cookies. Pastry dough, measured, and cut into perfect squares. Then with precise cuts, and folds, she made pinwheels. With ground walnuts, apricot jam, and sugar in the center, baked, and then dusted with confectioner’s sugar, they were a beauty to see, as well as eat.

Memories of my mother making them are vague, I remember seeing them on the counter, waiting to be baked, as well as a faint whiff of baked nuts and pastry dough as I bit into them. I don’t know my mother as a woman who patchkes, my older sister remember this side of her, down to the ruler she used to measure the pastry squares. To me my mother will always be practical. Go to the bakery practical.

I always saw women who patchked as otherworldly. Who were these people the time and patience, and most of all, the wherewithal to make these things. Make things like wrap their own gifts like a department store, make Royal Icing cookies to rival the professional designs, make their own techina and tomato dip that tasted right and real. I was always in secret awe and envy of these women. Superwomen I called them.

And slowly, slowly, the longer I am married, I find myself becoming my own dream. Not because I chose to pursue it, but pressure and necessity brings out the best in me.

I make my own techina and tomato dip (the tomato dip is awesome, techina, not so, my husband still prefers Golden Taste). I wrap my own gifts, and while there’s a way to go, I’m not embarrassed of them. And then this past week – I succeeded fully in one endeavor. I created the pinwheels.

I called my mother and asked her for the recipe and instructions. And took what was a childhood memory for me, and passed it on to my own. They came out beautiful, and the person whose Shalom Zachor I sent them to, asked me how it was done – she had never seen something like it (that really made me feel like I was achieving Super status).

It’s empowering, to take a challenge, like a lack of financial resources and do something you never thought was in your lazy-self’s realm. My cape is on backorder, but my superpowers are here to stay.

 

 
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Posted by on January 8, 2012 in Slice of Life

 

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