The post is in response to Princess Lea’s “Splitsville“
When I got engaged, Leah Foster (who I taught with at the time) gave me this sagely piece of advise – if you can call it that. After she said it, other older teachers who were sitting around bored with their own marital advice expressed their disapproval, and that I should disregard what she said. I didn’t. And I don’t remember any lessons for marital bliss they extended, unsolicited, but I remember Leah’s and firmly believe and stand by it. Very eloquently she said,
“Oooh marriage! [rubbing her hands together in glee with a clichéd mischievous glint in her eye] Get ready for some high high’s and low lows. The highs are amazing, you’ll never feel better, and the lows, well, you never felt so bad in your life.”
I’m a big believe of balance in this world. As good as it get, it as bad as it can be, and I think marriage is one of those cases, where a person can witness this duality so clearly.
When you care and invest so much into something, the dividends are that much more sweeter and appreciated, and when there are moments where your investment seems to falter, and fail – you’re a lot more disappointed, frustrated and upset, than the time you dropped your lollipop.
The closer you are to someone, the more they can hurt you. You don’t care when some large black woman in Shoprite mutters under her breath how rude and inconsiderate you are that you bumped into her with your run-amok-wheels are in opposite directions- shopping cart. You said you were sorry when it happened, it’s her problem that she’s still bugging about it. When your husband calls your rude and inconsiderate, I’d like to see you brush it off that easily. It’s just the way life is.
We have more expectations of the people we are close to. We expect them to love us, care for us, protect us, be there for us, and when they sometimes (and almost inevitably) fall short at times, (because no one is perfect always) it hurts, that much more.
How could they do this to us?!
Don’t we mean anything to them?!
Maybe we don’t???!
What are we doing?
What does this all mean?!
And we start to doubt everything we know.
If you don’t recognize the cycle you will fall victim to it.
I think that’s where a lot of people go wrong these days. Not just in marriage, but in all relationships.