A Proper Thank You

I never sent out thank you cards. I know, it’s extremely rude and inconsiderate. My problem was is that I didn’t know what to write (I’m not even getting into the mindless rewriting…and I would never pre-print them, that’s lazy and unappreciative.) I just couldn’t bring myself to cop-out and write the clichéd, but perfectly acceptable,

“We appreciate you sharing in our Simcha and your generous gift….blah blah blah….may we continue to be a source of nachas….build a bayis neeyman b’yisroel…continue to share in many more simchas”

It’s just too formal(and in the printing world thank you cards are called informals); not my style.

No one even reads thank you cards. They just look to see who sent it. But still, I had nothing to write. I’m a freakin’ Writing teacher and I couldn’t string together a few nice words…maybe it’s being a Writing teacher that gave me the pressure that I had to write something better and different – validate and prove myself.

It’s a year late, and I finally have something to say.

This is a sample of our thank you cards.

Dear

We know this thank you card is coming a year late, and while it may break all the rules of protocol, courtesy and proper etiquette, Mrs. TooYoungToTeach and I don’t regret it. You see, we appreciate you joining in our simcha and your gift so much more now, than we did then.

We understand a bit more about what it means to juggle a schedule, balance a budget, and life.

So, yeah, we’re really rude that we never thanked you before, but the thanks you’re receiving is a lot more sincere.

 Thank you.

-Mr. & Mrs. TooYoungToTeach

It’s a bit brash, not as apologetic as it should be, honest, very informal, and VERY me.

Just mailed out the first batch today, we’ll see if we get any feedback on it, in the meantime, I’ll have to rely on yours (that means comment!)

The Psyche of Gifts

I was trying to explain to my husband the difficulty in buying men presents. Besides for the obvious lack of gift items, and options in the gifts themselves, there is a much deeper psychological reason.

Rabbi Akiva Tatz in one of his speeches on marriage makes a point that is backed up by a lot of mystical resources. Skipping the resources and going to the practical, he basically says women think about their husbands all the time, and their love and relationship is constantly on the surface of their mind. Men, while they love their wives very much, do not think about them on a constant basis….and therein lies the issue.

People often say about gifts, “It’s the thought that counts”, which as I will explain, only applies to gifts bought by the husband. You see, because men don’t often dwell on thoughts of love and devotion for their wives, any gift, from the trivial to the absurd indicates to a woman that “Wow, my husband actually thought about me today!” And a woman will get a warm and fuzzy feeling over her husband’s attentiveness, that he was able to go beyond his natural tendency and focus on her more than, well, expected.

On the converse, because women are constantly thinking about their spouses, a lousy gift, is just that a lousy gift, the thought doesn’t count because the wife would have been thinking of her husband even if there was no occasion, or no gift was purchased, so a gift is nothing more than it is.

In “Men are From Mars, Women are from Venus” John Grey explains the “point scoring system” in relationships. Simply, for men, the bigger the item, the more points a woman will earn. For women, everything is worth one point, no matter how small (bar of chocolate) or how big (a car). This fits right in to what I was saying before…women just want the thought behind the gift, and men just want the gift.

So what it comes down to, is that besides there being few gift options for men, whatever you get has to be really good, or you might as well not get it. With that, my first anniversary is next week – HELP!

Relatively Speaking

When I first grasped the concept of relativity years ago, it blew my mind. The idea that everything is subject to the perspective, and attitude of a person, and how there can be no real basis of comparison or comprehension really gave me insight on how “REAL” life worked. Right now, I hate relativity, because some people are just idiots.

Let me explain. Someone gave me an article to read. It was about a woman going through some trying times and the obstacles she met in the form of events and people. It was very eloquent, well written, poignant, and I felt for that woman.

After I expressed my reaction to the article, the person who gave it to me revealed who the author was. And I was disgusted, partially by myself, the article, the world, and of course the author.

You see, one of the people this woman had to deal with was me. And I have a very different story to tell, one where I’m the victim, and she the tormentor, instigator, perpetrator. I’m coming with a different perspective, a different reality. One that I believe to be more accurate than hers.

But I can’t say she’s wrong, it’s all about how she perceives things – relativity. So it stinks, I’m now the bad guy, when it’s really her –according to me, according to my perspective and my relative reality

Now, I just wish she too understood this concept relativity, and I can be slightly vindicated, or mildly validated by her.

But that’s the problem with relativity, we all say, “It’s all relative”, but most of us can’t really muster the courage to admit what that saying implicate: That we are really and truly wrong, or bad or silly or ignorant or maybe even heroic – according to someone else.

You Are My Salvation

It’s old news, but I’m going with it anyway.

Y’know Dovid Gabay sings that song “Daven For Me”,( partial lyrics of the chorus are as follows)

“Daven for me and I’ll daven for you, Oh, how I know your pain, I feel it too… Let’s storm the gates of Heaven we will break through, “ וחבר בעד המתפלל כל” yes it’s true, so Daven for me and I’ll daven for you..”.

From this song an organization called “Daven For Me” was started. The basic premise is, match people up with the same issue (shidduchim, infertility, nachas fun der kind, and parnossah) and have them daven for each other, satisfy the terms of the Chazal, and receive salvation.

( For those of you not familiar with the song, or Chazal, basically it says, anyone who prays on their friends behalf, and they need the same thing, they will receive salvation before their friend they were praying for)

Anywho, I think the whole thing is a little manipulative.

The whole psyche behind the Chazal is not “Here’s a cheat sheet to get what you want” but rather an insight into the reward of selflessness and concern for others.

If a person sincerely is concerned about the welfare of their friend, and they care to pray on their behalf, that’s beautiful. If in addition that person has the same need, but still sincerely cares and feels the pain and suffering of their friend and truly prays for them selflessly, their selflessness is repaid in that they will receive salvation for that need before their friend.

Like I said, the song and the organization are a little manipulative. By purposely orchestrating people to pray for each other it defeats the entire foundation. While it may comply with the terms, it really doesn’t satisfy the spirit, or point. In fact it takes the selflessness and turns it into complete personal motivation.

 So, what do you say, is the song and organization legit, and I’m trying too hard? Or is it all really a farce and a bit of a travesty?