The Real Pesach Blues

Everyone wrote something about Pesach.

Most of them

a whine,

a  complaint,

a moan,

a gripe,

a protest,

an objection,

a call to arms.

 

I’m going to take the high road, and will instead make every girl of maiden status jealous.

This Pesach I will be experiencing my LAST three day Yom Tov as a single girl.

Three day Yomim Tovim are the bane of every single girl’s existence.

We do everything in our power to save ourselves from the full brunt of it. Buy dry shampoo, stock up on baby powder, tie ponytails higher than the Sears Tower, (and I’m sure everyone else can fill me in on the other methods)

But to no avail most girls succumb to the matted, oily, greasy, stringy, vomit inducing, stalks of hair.

And then we pray and wish we were married, so we can adequately hide behind a snood or shaitel.

You can’t look at yourself, you are ugly, unattractive, repulsive, nasty and NO ONE IS ALLOWED TO SEE YOU (on pain of death)

Your social life is dead.

Some lucky ones can still venture out of the house on the second day.

But by the third day everyone is sequestered together with their brother’s malodorous feet and cousin’s dry matzah breath.

There is no relief.

And this is my last time

EVER.

I think I may just savor the experience, and add it to my list of “The Joys of Being Single” (post forthcoming)

 

On A Scale From One To Ten

I recently played a board game that proposed many question starting with the line

 On a scale from 1-10

 On a scale from 1-10, how cute is the outfit of the person on your left

 On a scale from 1-10 what is your attitude toward your job

 On a scale from 1-10, rate the looks of the person seated to your right

 On a scale from 1-10, rate your intelligence comparative to the person on your left

 My friends and I had fun spewing numbing, making fun of each other and ourselves. Taking the initial question and spiraling them into full-blown discussions. And then I realized that Freud was right. In every joke, there is an element of truth.

 We may have been poking each other about our intelligence, wittiness, fashion sense, instinct, and looks, but we were also telling each other what we really thought of each other.

 Only in jest can you tell someone that their sweater looks like a regurgitated hairball without offending them.

Only in jest can you tell someone how it annoys the heck out of you when she berates herself, fishing for compliments

Only in jest can you really tell someone how you admire and respect him without making yourself too vulnerable.

Only in jest can you truly say what you think

 As people, censor ourselves all the time. Our mothers always say, “There’s a time and place for everything.” And they’re right. When we are kidding around though, everyone takes the others’ comments with a grain of salt. With this precaution, and mindset in place, people are free to speak,

 The constitution gave us the freedom of speech

Polite society took it away

Humor gives it back.